Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Online Separation, Divorce, & Family Law Resources

Photo used under Creative Commons from davidrossharris

 by Nigel Lawson

If you are at the beginning stages of filing for legal separation or divorce, you may have many questions about the divorce process, child support, and custody issues.  Luckily, The Divorce Dudes Club has developed a new blog page providing online Separation, Divorce, & Family Law resources to assist you.  This important online resource is listed by state and links you to official state and county court resources, state bar association sites, and state and county self-help center websites to help answer your questions. 

To access these resources, simply click the button at the top of the blog entitled "Separation, Divorce, & Family Law Resources."  We, at The Divorce Dudes Club strive to ease the stress of separation and divorce on all members of your family.  We hope you find our resource links useful.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Fighting Loneliness with Sushi?

 Photo used under Creative Commons from avlxyz

by Nigel Lawson

I've read all the articles and blogs dealing with loneliness after divorce. I'm up to my neck in self help books, actually reading some for the second time. I have friends I go out with on a regular basis.  I have plenty of hobbies, so I don't really need a new one. I stay busy with work and community organizations. So, why am I still dealing with loneliness 4 years after my divorce?

Lately it's become a chore to even  leave my apartment.  I literally have to scold myself,  "Hey, get off the couch, go somewhere, and do something!"  I'm simply going through the motions of life, and that's not living at all.  Many people get caught up in the notion that loneliness is a disease of the mind.  Science tells us otherwise.  We know physiology plays an important role in mental health.  It affects the mind and vice versa.

My severe loneliness drove me to do a little research on the affects of a healthy diet and exercise routine on loneliness.  As a result, I've come up with one of those annoying, but sometimes helpful, blog list of  ways to combat loneliness through diet and exercise.  Here it goes:

Sushi Anyone!
When we talk about loneliness, we might want to include depression which often accompanies it.  The cycle of loneliness and depression can be debilitating. "I'm feeling lonely, and now, I'm depressed.  I'm depressed and don't want to be around anyone, so I'm lonely again!"  We all know by now that eating foods high in Omega-3 fatty acids such as salmon, mackerel, and herring raise serotonin levels in the brain and reduce depression. These deep-water fish are staples at Sushi Bars.  I recommend setting up a sushi night with a group a friends.  It's a great way to stimulate your brain with good company, good conversations, and Omega- fatty acids!

Cut the Coke and Cut the Coffee !
High amounts of stimulates can throw off your brain chemistry. I thought drinking an extra cup of coffee could lift my spirits.  Caffeine and sugar may only provide a temporary lift of energy and mood.  In the long run, it may cause insomnia, irritability, and more depression!  Hang out at a juice bar instead of a coffee shop.  You'll still be surrounded by people, but without the caffeine.

Getting Back to Nature!
A great way to fight loneliness and depression is with exercise.  Group nature hikes are a three-fold remedy.  First, exercise produces that "runner's high" through the production of endorphins.  Secondly, hiking in a group fosters the opportunity to interact and meet new people.  Finally, studies have shown nature having a positive effect on the brain, reducing stress levels.

I plan on trying these suggestions out this week.  I'm hopeful, so wish me luck.  If any of you have tried these remedies for loneliness and depression or plan to try them out in the next couple of weeks, share your comments below.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

10 Festive Drinks For You & Yours This Holiday Season

Photo used under Creative Commons from izik
By Nigel Lawson

Well, my last blog was all about holiday treats and bonding with the kids.  This post is strictly for adults only.  Okay, at least the first part is.  I never like to leave the kiddies out, so I have something special for them too.

Is your Ex acting like a jerk right before the holidays?  Are the kids driving you up the wall? Will you be able to get your family members exactly what they want this holiday season?  Well, you can forget about all that for now.  If the "Seasonal  Insanity" seems a bit overwhelming, take a Jingle Bell Break and sample one of these festive holiday libations (provided by Whattodrink.Com).  These are just a few of the Holiday Cocktails listed on their website. 

And, don’t worry.  If you’re not big on alcohol, I have a special list of fun non-alcoholic drinks you and the kids can share during the holidays (provided by Family.Com).

For Adults Only (Alcoholic Drinks)  
  1.  St. Nick’s Naughty or Nice Punch
  2. Sassy Little Elf
  3. Candy Cane Swirl
  4. Homemade Eggnog
  5. New Year's Sparkler
  6. Midnight Kick

For Kids & Adults (Non-Alcoholic Drinks)

     7. White Christmas Hot Chocolate
     8. Quick Party Eggnog
     9. Cranberry-Apple Wassail
   10. Cold Chocolate Peppermint

Whether sampling one of the potent potables, or imbibing one of the calorie crammed kids’ drinks, moderation is always key.  Never drink and drive, or have a cup White Christmas Hot Chocolate and fall asleep on the couch.  Both are hazardous to your health.  Stay safe, and have a joyous holiday season. 

Best Wishes,

The Divorced Dudes Club

P.S.  Hug your children, and tell them you love them.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Divorce and the Holidays: Remember STRESSED Spelled Backwards Is DESSERTS!

Photo used with permission from Dailyville

by Nigel Lawson

The holidays can be a difficult time of  year, especially for single moms and dads. Stress over shared custody scheduling can overwhelm parents, turning joyous occasions into holiday nightmares.  Don't let this derail what is important --the quality time you spend with your children.  Yes, quality over quantity is always best when it comes to shared custody, so I want to provide parents with a holiday activity guaranteed for fun. 

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Veteran's Day: Supporting Our Separated & Divorced Veterans

Photo used under Creative Commons from US Army Africa

 by Nigel Lawson

With the end of the war in Iraq and return of 40,000 troops by the holidays, this Veteran's Day is one to be thankful for.  When we honor our troops this year, it's not only important to remember those who sacrificed their lives for our country, but  it's equally important to support returning soldiers who may still face obstacles here at home. 

Aside from the physical injury, post-tramatic stress disorder, government red tape over disability benefits, and simply assimilating back into civilian life, many returning veterans must also deal with the challenges of divorce.  According to Pentagon statistics, since the start of Operation Enduring Freedom in 2001, the divorce rate among military personnel has increased from  2.6 percent to 3.6 percent in 2010.  The Pentagon also reported 9% of enlisted women had their marriage end in divorce - about three times that of enlisted men at just over 3%.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Halloween Horror Break Up Stories! Beware of Ghoulish Girlfriends!

Photo used under Creative Commons from Sara G...'s

by Nigel Lawson

We've all been through it - The Break Up From Hell!  A torturous time betrayal pierces your heart, nausea writhes in your stomach, and loneliness flattens your soul, leaving you unwilling to trust another human being on the face of Earth.

The following is a horrific break up story I ran across on bounceback.com that simply made my skin crawl.  The author granted me permission to reprint this in hopes other divorced dudes and dudettes would benefit from his own tale of terror.

by Mr. D

I'd found the love of my life - I'm 49, she's 44 - After two divorces, she was refreshing - an intellectual geek like me, but funny, oh-so-sexy, smart, gorgeous body, everything a guy could want. All was going well for a year or so; we both had more fun and experienced more closeness than we'd felt in previous relationships.

Then, in July of this year, she joined a softball team at work. The first few weeks were fine - I had stuff to do on the nights she played, all was good. But then I became aware of a slight distancing.  The spontaneous 'I love you' texts stopped; she became irritated with me at the slightest thing. Instead of giving her space however, I emotionally panicked, thinking I was losing her, and became clingy and needy.

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Divorce and Halloween: It Doesn't Need To Be Scary

Photo used under Creative Commons from wwarby

by Nigel Lawson

With Halloween just around the corner, fighting your way through department store crowds in search of the perfect costumes for the kids and bags of Hersey's Miniatures might not be the only thing your dreading this Fall. Dealing with an ex-spouse might be just as scary, especially if this is your first Halloween after divorce.

Well, no fear! Here are some tips to tame any ghoulish ex-spouse on All Hallows Eve.

1. Involve your kids.  Before making any plans, talk to your children.  Ask them what they would like to do for Halloween.  At this point you can ask if your ex-spouse has made any Halloween plans with your children.  It would be horrific if you made extensive plans and then found out your spouse has already promised to take your children to the neighborhood haunted block party.