Photo used under Creative Commons from Sara G...'s
by Nigel Lawson
We've all been through it - The Break Up From Hell! A torturous time betrayal pierces your heart, nausea writhes in your stomach, and loneliness flattens your soul, leaving you unwilling to trust another human being on the face of Earth.
The following is a horrific break up story I ran across on bounceback.com that simply made my skin crawl. The author granted me permission to reprint this in hopes other divorced dudes and dudettes would benefit from his own tale of terror.
by Mr. D
I'd found the love of my life - I'm 49, she's 44 - After two divorces, she was refreshing - an intellectual geek like me, but funny, oh-so-sexy, smart, gorgeous body, everything a guy could want. All was going well for a year or so; we both had more fun and experienced more closeness than we'd felt in previous relationships.
Then, in July of this year, she joined a softball team at work. The first few weeks were fine - I had stuff to do on the nights she played, all was good. But then I became aware of a slight distancing. The spontaneous 'I love you' texts stopped; she became irritated with me at the slightest thing. Instead of giving her space however, I emotionally panicked, thinking I was losing her, and became clingy and needy.
This ultimately drove her even further away, and at the beginning of August she dumped me, stating 'she couldn't be in a relationship' (claiming there was too much going on with her ex-husbands, children, grandchildren etc) - I could see all the signs however - there was another guy - someone she works with - who was also on the softball team.
We texted/emailed occasionally, but we also both play on the same pool league team every Tuesday night. A few Tuesdays later, she came home with me after the game like she always used to, and claimed she'd missed what we had, and felt very guilty how she'd treated me. Well within a few weeks, we'd planned the engagement, found a house, looked at rings and dresses etc - I was euphoric.
The night before we were due to move in, she mentioned the last hurdle - she needed a face-to-face with this 'other guy' to tell him what was happening. As I left her bed that morning, she said 'I love you, I adore you, I worship you - let me do this, and we'll be happy for ever'. I went to work, feeling a little uncomfortable, but had lots to sort out with the utilities etc for the house.
So, I'm at the house that Thursday evening, moving stuff in from my apartment - and don't hear from her for a few hours. Trying to stifle my insecurities, I let it go, waiting for her return and to start our new life.Well, she doesn't come home. Doesn't return any of my texts or calls. I'm at the new house Friday morning, out of my mind - when the cable man turns up I text her asking what's going on - I get a six word reply - "I'm not moving - I'm so sorry" - and that was it!
One can imagine how I felt - trying to cancel everything at the house, make all the un-arrangements. A few days later we had to meet to swap respective stuff (and for me to get the new cell-phones I got on a family plan for her and the daughters!) - it transpires she spent the night with the other guy, but I had decided a few days before that 'something didn't feel right'.
I'm angry, I'm so incredibly bewildered and lost - the obsessive thoughts fill my mind constantly. I genuinely feel like I cannot be happy without her, but the few remaining rational brain cells I have left tell me there's no way I could get back with her, knowing I'd end up being hurt again.
I'm trying so hard to focus on 'me' - but everything and I mean EVERYthing I do, watch, read, wear, eat, see, reminds me of her. The constant anxiety and chest pain/knotted stomach and spiraling thoughts are becoming so physically and mentally exhausting. I'm so empty and lonely - I can't see a future for myself. I miss her so much. How does one bounce back from this??
When we live through a horrific nightmare like this one, we all need to remember one thing, and that is... The sun rises every morning, and when we wake, we wake to a brand new day. Find friends! Find relatives! Find support groups! Find anyone who will help you through your roughest times. I'm glad Mr. D reached out by sharing his story. I truly believe writing is the best form of therapy.
If you have a story you want to share with The Divorced Dudes Club, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org or just post it in the comments below.